It provides helpful advice on gracefully starting over in the dating scene. I interviewed extensively for the book, not confining myself to women or to the over Some of the most terrific interviews conducted were with men. Then I did exhaustive research about women's health issues, how to make senses touch, sight, smell, etc.
When we were in high school or college, the competition was limited. There were a finite number of females in the "dating pool.
It's true that certain men prefer the company of women many years their junior. As Tony Soprano would say, "fuggetaboutit. You'll never make it with them because you don't have what they're looking for. Be pragmatic and don't beat a dead horse. You're different than you were. You can converse intelligently on a wide variety of subjects. You've experienced life-both the good and the bad. You can look back with laughter and nostalgia as you reminisce with men your age, older, or even younger.
Most are looking for a relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean marriage, just companionship, fun and sex. However, if the relationship is wonderful - marriage ensues. It is amazing that even "mature" adults repeat the mistakes of the past.
Perhaps they've had a failed marriage or two. The number of people, men and women, who cite fundamental differences when assessing the reason for a failed marriage, has amazed me.
Dissimilarities in background, education, and religion top the list. If you and your ex spouse s were from diverse cultural backgrounds, had differing family experiences, differing levels of education, and a different religion, perhaps it is time to re-think what to look for in a new relationship. While it may be true that opposites attract, and it has been tried more than once and if you found it had no staying power, now is the time to consider someone who is more like you.
The most often asked question is "Are all the good ones taken? It must be older women and dating in the water. Don't any of them have a mirror? Dating after 60 the matter with mature single men today? The answer may be loneliness, and the inability to cope with it.
Some men, dating after 60, who are single after being married most or all of their adult lives, just can't seem to "get it together.
Most men don't have a social network. Many men can't even dress themselves properly. They need someone to tell them what to wear, dating after 60, when to get a haircut, or buy new underwear.
The answer is simple: Men-look in the mirror. Clean up your act. Learn to use an iron instead of being seen in public resembling an unmade bed. A man's appearance can make the statement that he respects himself. Many men can't or won't follow this advice. Those who can and will are the undiscovered gems.
They're the good ones-not amber stevens dating taken. Every day a new crop of potential "good ones" comes on the market.
During perimenopause, the months or years prior to menopause, levels of two female hormones, estrogen and progesterone, vary irregularly. This happens as the ovaries struggle to keep up with the needs of an aging woman's body. The symptoms of menopause can result from these changing hormone levels.
Even after menopause, when a woman's ovaries make much less estrogen and progesterone, the symptoms may continue. Menopausal hormone therapy may help control these symptoms. Women who had their uterus removed can use estrogen alone to control her symptoms. Estrogen comes in many forms and dosages. One can use a skin patch or vaginal tablet or cream, take a pill, or get an implant, shot, or a vaginal ring insert.
A woman whose uterus is still intact must take progesterone or a progestin synthetic progesterone along with the estrogen. Progesterone or progestin is often taken as a pill, sometimes as part of the same pill as the estrogen. It also comes in patch form, shot, IUD intrauterine devicevaginal gel, or suppository. This will prevent unwanted thickening of the lining of the uterus and reduce the risk of cancer of the uterus, an uncommon, but possible result of using estrogen alone.
The form your doctor suggests may depend on your symptoms. For example, patches or pills can relieve hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness. They will also slow or prevent bone loss and help delay osteoporosis while you are using them. Other forms-vaginal creams, tablets, or rings-are used to alleviate vaginal dryness, making "mature" sex feel just like when you were young. I've divided this category into what older men want and what younger men want, and devote an entire chapter to it.
Some older men want a woman to take care of them. If this turns you off-move on. Some want a companion with whom to enjoy their golden years. Some want friendship-not sex. Some want sex, and lots of it. Gloria Steinem refers to them as "the Viagra-crazed seventy-year-olds. If sex is more important to you than it is to him, then you must ask him why. Depending on his answer, you'll have to decide whether you want the relationship to continue. Most men over 60 need some help in this department.
Those who are unwilling to make this a priority before marriage will most certainly not do so after. With maturity comes wisdom. Talking things through with a mature woman is often very comforting to a younger man. The guidance of a mature woman can help him not only in his career, but also in his interpersonal relationships. With age frequently comes the crumbling of inhibitions.
Many younger men thoroughly relish the freedom from sexual inhibitions many older women offer. Older women as a group often dating after 60 their own economic and social standing.
They have a power base, and are now able to select the man that they want rather than having to choose a man for financial support and to give them social status. What tips can you offer those 60 and older to help them smoothly re-enter the dating game?
The old tried and true method of introductions by friends and family still works. It's safe because someone you know and trust, knows and trusts him. I call this the credible introduction. Many religious organizations sponsor senior free gay christian dating clubs.
You can meet people at work, whether paid or volunteer. I urge all "mature" singles to just get out there! You won't meet anyone sitting in front of your television set.
LoveToKnow would like to thank Susan Kiner for sharing her advice. For updates on its release date, as well as information on her other books, visit Susan's Facebook page.
WebMD archives content after 2 years to ensure our readers can easily find the most timely content. To find the most current information, please enter your topic of interest into our search box. The chaste older person. The dirty old geezer. The horny old broad. The common notion is that when you are old you don't -- and maybe shouldn't -- have sex. Our studies have shown that older people are sexier in attitude and performance than they have been credited for.
So who's responsible for the myth that sex becomes unimportant as one ages? The danger is that people come to accept these stereotypes as true. They then risk losing one of the most important parts of their lives -- and their health. It's taking care of yourself. Wake up your body again if it has been shut down. Do it whether you feel like it or not. Bortz, a specialist in internal medicine at the Palo Alto Medical Clinic in California and a clinical associate professor of medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine, goes even further:.
If we agree sex is good for you, you shouldn't stop -- regardless of apathy. Sex for seniors is not the same thing as sex for young people. The concern is with recreation rather than the possibility of procreation -- and for same-sex couples, the stress is less on performance and more on satisfaction.
This allows more room for expanding one's sensuality -- an important aspect of sex when the natural aging process may mean changes in sexual function. Alternatives to intercourse are not just for people who don't want to get pregnant or get a disease. The most healthy thing is for people to put aside the idea that if intercourse isn't working for you, you can't be sexual. Intercourse should never be the goal.
If some sexual activity is uncomfortable or doesn't work, try something different. We have learned so much from people in the disability community. I know a quadriplegic man who has no feeling below the neck, but he can have orgasms from having his neck nuzzled.
For example, if your partner is very overweight , there are a lot of things you can't do. There are a lot of things you can do. Find a way to enjoy yourself with whatever limitations you may have. What can you do if your sexual pilot light has gone out? For many people, the answer may be communication -- something that doesn't come in a pill bottle. People have to know they are not the only one who is considering being sexual.
They need to know that they can do it without any risk to their health, and more importantly, with no risk to their self-esteem. One of the problems with people who are now older is there is even less talk about sex than there was before. Screw up your courage and talk to them.
Communication can also help overcome another problem -- feeling that nobody will find your older body sexy. If my self-image is good,. I can at least think about being attractive. I don't have any difficulty telling a sex partner that I have problems with some things about my body and don't feel comfortable taking all my clothes off.
Once self-esteem is better, a person can begin to explore his or her newfound sexuality. Blank and Bortz each recommend masturbation -- for both men and women -- as a good starting point. So the next time you fix one, give him my card. Bortz says women over 60 should reject the idea that their sex lives must end if their husbands pass away.
There is this reigning paradigm that once your man has died it is all over for you. It is a nostalgic, romantic image. But physical touching and romance should be with us until the last twinkle. One of the disincentives for women is painful intercourse due to thinning of vaginal tissues as estrogen levels decline. Hormone replacement therapy used to be used for this purpose. But with more research linking combination estrogen and progestin therapy to heart disease and breast cancer , hormones are now only recommended for the relief of hot flashes.
Both Morley and Blank recommend the use of lubricants for older women. If condoms or sex toys are used, these lubricants should be water-based and not oil-based. Finally, Bortz suggests that woman can actively increase their sex drive -- what psychologists call libido.
Lots of women have flagging desire, and testosterone works for both women and men in this regard. But most men's aging problems are not testosterone.
But this might be the problem, so the first step is to measure the testosterone levels in the blood. The FDA estimates that there are 4 million to 5 million men in the U. But many of these men are not getting testosterone treatment.
Morley says new studies put the number of hypogonadal men in the U. Even so, both Morley and Bortz warn people to get reliable tests of their testosterone level before attempting testosterone therapy.
There is a large number of studies that show libido will improve in older men when you improve testosterone levels.
The reason to give testosterone to older men is not limited to sexual activity. Sex is nice, but living is even more fun. As we get older, memory goes down -- and we males tend to lose our ability to remember at a greater rate than females. We have shown that the single best predictor of poor memory in middle-aged men is low testosterone. And when men are given it back, their memory improves.
Morley has developed a questionnaire that can screen men for possible testosterone deficiency. It includes 10 questions:. A "yes" answer to either of the first two questions, or a "yes" answer to any three questions indicates that a man should have his testosterone level checked. Morley recommends a direct test known as "bioavailable testosterone," which he finds more reliable than tests for total testosterone or calculations of bioavailable testosterone from other tests.
This has several components, and the main one is hydraulics. That is where Viagra enters wonderfully, and I cannot vaunt its benefit to mankind highly enough. I think it is one of the most important drugs to come along, and it is quite safe. Morley notes that Viagra cannot work properly if low testosterone levels are not corrected.
Viagra, however, does have side effects such as flushing and headaches. And Morley warns of another possible side effect: Morley notes that sexual function in men also can be caused by psychological problems such as depression and by a wide variety of diseases. Not the least of these is heart disease , and difficulty in attaining an erection could be an early symptom. One of these problems with blood flow has a common cause: If you give me [a drug injection] to stimulate an erection and then give them just two cigarettes, the erection will go down.
I never had any success in getting my patients to quit smoking until I told them about this. The phrase 'use it or lose it' comes easily to mind," Bortz says. That is where Viagra could be used as an operational crutch.
The answer to not enough erections is erections. This leads to the idea that there may be a recommended daily allotment for erections. It may seem obvious, but Bortz stresses the importance of good relationships to healthy sexuality. He sums up his advice for a healthy sex life in three points:. Sometimes seniors who rediscover their sexuality forget an important rule: Good sex is safe sex. Safe sex means being responsible for your own health,and the health of your partner.
There are a lot of bad bugs out there. And unlike the old days, not all of them can be cured with a simple shot of penicillin.
In fact, some can't be cured at all. Do you feel used up? Well, you could give up. Or you could fix what's wrong and wind back up. My main contribution is that most of what we think is aging is disuse. And that applies strongly to sexuality. Sexual Conditions Feature Stories. Continued "The worst sexual dysfunction in this country is our inability to talk about sex," Blank says.
If my self-image is good, I can at least think about being attractive. Steps to Better Sex for the Older Woman Not surprisingly, maintaining sexual function is different for men and women.
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