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Dating someone new means learning about each other's quirky behaviors, emotional baggage, and the past experiences that have shaped both of your lives. But what if this involves a health or medical secret you're hesitant to talk about? Right also means telling him that she has bipolar disorder. Though she takes medication to manage her condition, she still lives with residual symptoms: Not every relationship hides a secret like this one, but plenty of people face similar decisions about how much they should tell a new companion.
If you're considering telling your partner about a health secret, here are eight tips to help you spill the beans. Practice what to say Before you drop a bomb on a potential mate, rehearse your speech with a trusted friend or visit a therapist to talk it through, suggests Ken Robbins, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin—Madison.
Laurie Davis, an online dating expert based in New York and Boston, suggests asking a friend what sounds most intimidating about your condition and getting his or her advice on how to smooth it over. Getting a second opinion can help you decide how much to say and when and where to say it , and running through your script a few times can make you more comfortable sharing your story.
Mark Snyder, a year-old writer from New York City, used to dread telling a new boyfriend that he was a recovering alcoholic. That changed, however, as he got used to talking about his condition.
I celebrate it now. I wouldnt see a reason to keep it a secret, especially if were getting serious. If youre worried that your health secret might be a deal-breaker, youll want to 'fess up by the fourth date, says Rachel A. Dishonesty can ruin a potentially good relationship.
Its not all roses and Champagne. Be casual yet confident So exactly how does one reveal a secret without just blurting it out? Just dont overdo it: In other words, make your delivery as drama free as possible. Um, youre not my doctor, dude. Allisons dates probably have their heart in the right place.
He suggests that she have a confident, straightforward response about how she would like them to react; something like: Don't have this conversation in bed. Thats true for any condition, Davis adds. Robbins notes that if your health secret is a sexually transmitted disease STD , youre going to have to open up to someone sooner rather than later.
Amy, a year-old graphic artist from Chicago, jokes that hepatitis C is the only thing she has in common with Pamela Anderson. But shes serious when it comes to telling boyfriends about her illness, which she got through a blood transfusion at birth. Just make sure theres no one within earshot.
Seek out relationships online If you tend to meet potential partners through online networks such as Facebook or Match. However, if you're nervous about rejection or misunderstandings, you might be more comfortable dating someone with similar health issues. There are many niche sites that cater to people with specific conditions, and theyre a great way to be up-front with potential mates who are in the same boat, Davis says. Know when to give your partner space Even if you do your best to deliver a snag-free speech, its possible that there could be an awkward moment.
Then, offer some physical distance but stay in contact, Davis says. Let them know that they are still on your mind and you cant wait to see them again. Besides, your perfect match will accept you no matter what, Davis says: At the end of the day, it means that they were not the one. Accept support Tiffany Sanchez Conover, 28, a store manager from northern Indiana, settled into a deep depression after her grandmother died.
Tiffanys husband was hurt that she hadnt told him earlier, but he was glad she finally confessed. Its especially important for married couples to be open to avoid hiccups in the relationship, Sussman says. Tiffany knows that now: She and her husband recently went through a series of failed fertility treatments after finding out she likely cannot have children on her own.
If I didnt tell my husband how I felt about it all every day, I probably would end up depressed again. A counselor also helped Tiffany to get through the initial rough patch. Marti Trgovich October 19, What Secrets to Tell Your Honey.
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